Lumusot si Maria sa Salamin

Humarap si Maria sa salamin. Tiningnan ang bawat anggulo ng kaniyang mukha. Bawat linya, bawat nunal, bawat tigyawat. Tiningnan niya kung gaano ito hindi perpekto. Hinahanap ang mga wala rito. Matangos na ilong, mapungay na mata, makinis na kutis.

Umaga’t gabi ay tinitingnan ang salamin, sabay ang paghiling na sana man lang, siya ay dinggin. Bigyan siya ng kahit kaunti sa kaniyang mga hinahangad nang siya naman ay maging katanggap-tanggap. Pero, katanggap-tanggap saan? Sa lipunan ba? O sa kaniyang sarili? Lipunan ba ang hindi makatanggap sa kaniya o ang kanya mismong sarili?

Isang gabi nang siya ay magmuni-muni sa harap ng salamin at habang tinitingnan ang repleksyo’y humawak siya dito. Nagulat siya ng lumusot ang kamay niya sa salamin. Hinila niya ang kamay niya pabalik. Pero para malaman kung namamalik mata lamang ba siya, muli ay hinawakan niya ang salamin. Lumusot muli ang kamay niya at unti-unti ay hinigop siya nito hanggang sa buong katawan niya na ang lumusot sa salaming ito.

Napadpad siya sa kadiliman at ang tanging liwanag lamang ay nagmumula sa isang salamin. Tumingin siya rito ngunit hindi niya makita ang sariling repleksyon. Maya-maya pa ay may dumating na babae sa kabilang dako ng salamin. Nakikita ni Maria ang babaeng ito, pero tila hindi siya makita ng babae.

Tiningnan ng babae ang bawat anggulo ng kaniyang mukha. Bawat linya, bawat nunal, bawat tigyawat. Tiningnan niya kung gaano ito hindi perpekto. Hinahanap ang mga wala rito. Matangos na ilong, mapungay na mata, makinis na kutis.

Ang babaeng nasa kabilang dako ng salamin ay walang iba kung hindi si Maria. Mula sa kadiliman ng mundo ng salamin ay tiningnan niya ang sarili at dun niya lang nakita ang gandang hindi nangangailangan ng pagtanggap ng kahit sino man. Ang ganda ng pagiging malaya sa labas ng salamin.

Hindi na nakalabas pa sa madilim na mundo ng salamin si Maria at araw-araw ay nakikita niya ang sariling repleksyon na dumudungaw sa kaniya. Walang kaalam-alam tungkol sa kaniyang pagdurusa.

Puno ng pighati si Maria para sa sarili niyang lumaya na nga ang isipin pero nakakulong ang katawan sa loob ng salamin at para sa sarili niyang nasa kabilang dako ng salamin na malaya man ang katawan, nakakulong naman ang isip at tila nakakahon.

I Want to be a Housewife

Today as I browse my facebook feed, I saw a post of a high school classmate about her lumpiang shanghai (spring rolls) with a status that goes along this line, it’s difficult to wrap a lumpia.

She used to be an Accountant in a big fast food chain till she got pregnant. From her pregnancy till date (her daughter must be 8 years old already), she is a stay at home mom / house wife.

Then I thought of my current dream. I want to be a housewife.

You may raise your left eyebrow and read what I have written once again but your eyes aren’t fooling you. You’ve read it right. My current dream is to be a housewife. You may ask, why?

For the longest time, women have been battling for their rights to work and to be leaders of companies, to be on top of the corporate ladder, etc., etc., and here I am,  wanting to leave my hard earned profession to become a housewife.

But my question to myself now is, am I ready to be a housewife? And will I be a good one?

I was raised by a working mom. She’s out the whole day and by the time she comes home she’s already tired. She will choose the easy-to-cook-dishes for dinner. I’ve never heard of dishes such as Morcon and Sisig till I reached college and I’ve never seen her preparing any dish with cooking time that exceeds 20mins. Don’t even ask about home baked cakes or cupcakes. We don’t have an oven but more than that, she never had time.

I always envied my classmates and neighbors who’d get home made delicacies for merienda. For us, if we want to eat something, we have to buy it.

Leaving the food issues aside, I don’t know how my mom managed to do the other chores after a long day. Well, I have a share of chores since I am the eldest. I wash the dishes after our dinner while I would see her ironing our uniforms. I do the laundry, she does the ironing (later on, I started doing the ironing too). She has 4 kids plus my father to take care of too. At that time, I never really thought about how she must feel. Her legs must be sore at night and she must be so sleepy all the time because of her late nights and early mornings. And more than her physical condition, how about the mental and emotional aspect? To work while doing the chores and raising 4 kids and a husband is tough.

I can’t imagine how my mom will be if she is a stay at home mom/wife. Whenever she’s at home, she can’t stop doing things and after a day at home, she’s bored and she would want to go back to work the next day. I’m not sure if I will be the same.

I think of how I will be should I become a housewife. Am I ready to do all the cooking and cleaning stuff instead of reading emails and getting high blood pressure from annoying colleagues? Am I ready to be just receiving money from my husband instead of earning them by myself?

About the cooking thing, see, I am not a good cook. But my husband never complained about my cooking anyway (so far) even though, when we were together in Dubai, I always cooked sauteed (insert item here, ie veggies, pork, etc) in oyster sauce. I think I can learn this once I have time. (LOL, I had 4 years to learn how to cook in college but nothing happened, but that’s why I married a chef. And sometimes I blame my mom and our lifestyle for my non-interest in cooking).

About the cleaning and other stuff, well, I love ironing clothes. I iron even pajamas and sleeping clothes while singing so there shouldn’t be any problem on this part.

And about the earning part, I am a low maintenance person so I think I would be happy with whatever I receive.

I don’t really know how ready I am but somehow I feel excited for that time to come when I can just be at home, trying to bake cakes (and failing and blogging about it), watering plants in a small garden, sewing curtains and skirts and all that homely stuff.

As of now, I can only dream and be excited about it. Till then, I will hang on to where I am now, reading my emails, screaming at annoying colleagues (though I try so hard not to), reading your blogs and writing about my thoughts.

image: maretraiteauxphilippines.blogspot.com

Liebster Award

 

Rules:
– Acknowledge the blog who nominated you and display the award.
– Answer the 11 questions the blogger gives you.
– Give 11 random facts about yourself.
– Nominate 11 blogs.
– Notify those blogs of the nomination.
– Give them 11 questions to answer.

Thank you Shai (the funniest introvert I’ve met here in blogosphere with a lot of Hanashes) for nominating me LOL please check out her blog here

 

My Answers to Shai’s Questions:

– What’s your favorite beauty item?

Red Lipstick, Black Eyeliner & Mascara (Max Factor please, ang arte)

– What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to?

Depends on the situation.

– If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do?

I don’t really know. Maybe I’ll scream out of shock ha ha

– Do you believe in Horoscopes?

When I was a teenager, yes.

– If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be?

Maybe Katniss from Hunger Games except that I don’t know how to use a bow and arrow  (or maybe I just thought so LOL)

– What’s your favorite elem/HS/college memory?

C.A.T. Hell Day

– How do you think your parents would describe you as a child?

Obedient child

– What’s something you’re really good at?

I’m not really sure ha ha. Sleeping, maybe

– What are your favorite blog topics to write?

I don’t really have favorite topics in particular but I like to write about what I’ve felt

– Biggest blogging achievement so far?

I would say, that I have met a lot of lovely bloggers from different walks of life, different ages and characters is my biggest blogging achievement.  The second one is being able to buy my own domain LOL.

– (may ghad di ko na kaya mag-english) Anong tanong ang gusto mong itanong sayo ng iba?

Kumain ka na ba? Pero gusto ko lang ‘yang tanong na iyan kung aalukin nila ako ng pagkain ha ha ha

 

Random Facts about me:

  1. I like Spaghetti Aglio Olio. I can eat this every day with Garlic Bread (yum yum)
  2. I don’t eat cheese, beef and I don’t drink milk.
  3. I’m 31 years old as of writing this
  4. I’m 5 feet 6 inches tall
  5. I like reading books, mostly historical fiction
  6. My favorite authors are Khaled Hosseini, Jonas Jonasson, Haruki Murakami, Philippa Gregory
  7.  to 11. Nothing really interesting about me LOL

 

Since the purpose of Liebster Award is to discover new blogs, let me nominate the blogs whom I recently followed and hope that they will participate:

Albert

I Hate Mallows

Sara Benavidez

angprinceccedentesiast

Shut Up Kat

Your Little Poison Berry

Erma Santo

North Fort

Kwento ni Iska

Kwentong Buhay at Kape

Krheamae

 

At ang mga always special mention LOL

Anne na may dotcom na LOL Congrats! manlibre ka sa KFC Deira

Romantic Alpha

Tha Katalogue

Jirahlization  – pakape kayo ni Ate Anne

Mommy Meg ng Nocturnal Mom Talks

Ren

Kuya Keso

 

My Questions:

  1. What song best describes your current mood / stage of life?
  2. What are the things that made you happy recently?
  3. What are the things that annoyed you recently?
  4. What do you love to write about?
  5. What would you ask for if you had one wish granted?
  6. What would you do if you won the lottery?
  7. What talents do you have?
  8. Have you ever built a snowman?
  9. What type of music do you like?
  10. Do you prefer sunrise or sunset? Why?
  11. How long can you balance on one foot?

As the Sun Goes Down

When I was still in Dubai, I tried several times to fast during the Holy Month of Ramadan; however, I always failed after the first day then I never tried again.

Last year when I arrived here in the Maldives it was mid-Ramadan already and I was still adjusting with the lifestyle so I didn’t even think about fasting. But this time, I thought I’d give it a try.

For those who do not know what Ramadan is, this is the Holy Month in which Muslims fast for 30 days – they don’t eat and drink from dawn until dusk.

Though I am not a Muslim, I am fasting and you might be wondering why. I have my personal reasons for doing so. I wanted to fast because I wanted to pray for something and I hope that I will be heard.  The only reason that I am doing this during this month and not any other month is because it will be easier for me to fast while almost everyone else is doing it.

And since this is my first time (to survive the first day and continue for several days), I am quite excited with the experience.

On the first day of Ramadan, I woke up at 04:30am to drink water and eat what they call Suhour or ‘pre-dawn meal’ which will help me last through the day, until the ‘breaking of fast.’

That day was a struggle. More than the hunger, it was the thirst that made me almost want to give up. As the sun went down, I broke my fast with cold orange juice and that wasn’t a good idea. A few hours after eating my Iftar or ‘the meal eaten after sunset,’ I threw up everything.  I really guess that’s because of the orange juice, but it could also be my body, adjusting to the practice.

The second day was a bit better for me, I felt like my body has adjusted already. However, I had to stop the next day and I was not able to fast for four days due to my period, as women are not allowed to fast during this time.

After four days, I started fasting again and I felt like I’m back to square one. I felt dizzy and in a trance most of the time. I cannot concentrate at work and I made several mistakes on my emails. But today it was easier and it feels just like a normal day – just without the food and drinks.

Though I have just fasted for several days, I found beauty in this practice. It made me appreciate more the food that is served on the table. It made me feel so blessed and thankful to have something to eat by the end of the day.  It made me pray more as well.

It also made me stop the small vices, like coffee, chocolates, chips and all the unhealthy stuff.

Recently, I was also in a calm and meditative state of mind. I have always struggled with my emotions and I always get mad easily and this is quite a challenge but I feel like I’m doing well.

Something wonderful happened too, and though I feel that it might just be a coincidence, I feel that it is a blessing. If you have read my post about not feeling well recently, I did have fever and cold until the day before Ramadan. But I prayed that if I will be well the next day, I will fast. And it happened.

This beautiful experience is new to me and every day as the sun goes down, I pray and thank Him for the blessings and I pray that He continues to bless you and me even more.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

The weather here has been crazy over the last few days. One day, it will be dark with heavy rain, the next day it will be perfectly sunny, the next it will be so windy as if a hurricane is about to come then the next day we will wake up to a perfectly sunny morning only to get heavy rains in the afternoon.

Two days ago, I got myself drenched as I ran under heavy rain. I was caught in between running continuously to reach my destination and going back to the sheltered area where I came from. I chose the first as anyway, whatever my choice will be, I’m already wet.

That same afternoon, I got mild fever. Not only because of getting drenched but also because of the back pain that I had for few days already. That kind of weird back pain that makes you flinch when you want to laugh or sneeze and hurts so bad when you yawn.

I seldom get sick as I’m generally a healthy person. Though sometimes, I can’t help but catch colds or cough if the weather is really bad.

Whenever I fall sick, even though physically the feeling is not good, deep inside I have this tiny excitement. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to fall ill. However, sometimes, this could be your only reason to leave the office early and lie down under the comfort of your blanket. This is the time when you get a bit of genuine caring attention.

I remember my childhood days. Whenever I get sick, I have a reason not to eat on my own. My mom would spoon feed me with warm noodle soup. She would put cold towel on my forehead and check my temperature from time to time. These moments are rare and thus, special to me. For being the eldest child, I don’t usually get any attention. I never complained. I just felt happy to get a little bit more.

Two days ago, as I was lying on my bed, touching my own forehead, checking if I’m warmer than the usual, I wished that someone would do that for me. I wished that someone would bring some warm noodles but it never happened, no one came. I had to get up from bed, go to the canteen to get some rice and soup. I had to apply ointments on my back and chest on my own and I had to stick three salonpas  patches (if that’s how it’s called) on my back all by myself.

At that time, I almost cursed being an adult. I wanted to go back to being a child beside my mom. But this is life.

I woke up today to a cloudy morning. However, as of the moment, the sun have come out and I wish it’d continue to be out the whole day. And if not, I’ll be waiting for the sun to come out tomorrow. And the next day. And the next.

image: The Odyssey Online