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Tell me August, what have you done?

Your extremely beautiful weather left me with beautiful summer memories as well as small wounds that are now healing. Turning into faint scars. Real. Cannot be undone nor unseen.

It’s my sixth month on the island and have been only out on two occasions. Both to say goodbye to very close friends. Airports always have two feelings glued to them. The joy of welcoming people back and the sorrow of sending people off, not knowing when to see them again. And on these two occasions, only the latter have clung on to me.

Some friends have removed me from their lives and I had to remove some from my life too. It’s sad to think about the good times that didn’t last. But that’s how life is. A journey. Where we meet people who are meant to pass by but won’t stay. Where we meet people who stays still while we move forward.

While the evenings are full of stars, I spend my nights away watching Korean Dramas and reading books under the roof of my small room. Patiently looking at imaginary lives as I complete all the episodes. I laugh and cry. And think of the lives I’ve just watched, compare it to mine and think of all the what ifs that will never, ever happen anymore.

But think about it, these dramas and books have taken me to such wonderful journeys while I sit on the cold floor of my room.  Leg muscles cramped. Eyes, teary. Heart, full of borrowed experiences.

I’ve been to Paris and attended a White Dinner, thanks to Danielle Steel’s Magic and went back in time when Hitler was bombing London through Dear Mrs. Bird by A.J.  Pearce. James Patterson have also shown me how Alex Cross solved all those grisly crimes. Reply 1988 made me crave for Ramen every night as it took me back to a dreamy time when Walkman was the best gadget and love letters made hearts flutter. It’s OK Not To Be OK showed me how people can be loved at their best and worst while Alive made my heart race as they runaway from Zombies. I thought Along with the Gods  would scare me but it actually made me cry a bucket.

August, you’ve been feeding me with a lot of boiled cabbage and carrots. To be honest, I don’t have the courage to see them anymore.  But I can’t complain for I have food to eat, at least three times a day. Even though, there’s something I haven’t eaten in six months already. And if you would be kind enough to just grant me one thing to eat, even just for a day, please, I only want to taste a fried egg sprinkled with salt. I hope that’s not a lot to wish for.

I have to bid goodbye to you August, and all the wonderful (and not so) summer evenings.

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