aysabaw.com

Being on wordpress for eight years is no joke, and not easy. Maintaining a blog entails a lot of time and hard work and at the least, one should not forget the username (because I always forget my password) and the rest will follow. 

In one of the first few episodes of Umbrella Academy Season 1 (I’ve only seen 2.5 episodes), there was a scene where a violin prodigy told Vanya, who is also a violinist, something along the lines of (not the exact words) – 10,000 hours is useless if you haven’t improved after all the practice. If you still stay in the same place after all your practice then you better find something else you are more passionate about. 

In eight years, even if I don’t write every day, I would have probably covered the 10,000 hours already. The question now is should I continue or start looking for something else I am more passionate about? 

I looked back at all my old posts, randomly picked some and read. There are more embarrassing posts than what I can be proud of. I cannot even believe that some of you have taken (wasted) your time to read them, but I’m still thankful if you did so. I even cannot believe that some of those posts garnered about 60 to 80 comments. That’s probably the time when we used the comment section as our chatbox. 

But then again, embarrassing or not, I am glad I have written them. They are part of me as a writer and as a person. Reading my old posts is just like opening up an old photo album and looking at the upsetting haircut that I had or that bizarre clothes that I actually wore in the early days. But no matter how ‘baduy’ I look on my old photos, I can’t change the fact that I loved what I wore those days even though they are outdated in today’s world. The same as what I wrote in my earlier days. They must have made me laugh or cry but now they  only made me cringe.  I guess even in writing, we all pass that awkward phase, that is quite similar to our adolescence. 

My writing style has changed over the years. I started writing in Tagalog. And then I switched to English. And then it became a combination of both. I tried writing miniseries and short stories; comical pieces and angry notes. I joined some weekly prompts and blogger awards. I tried to mimic writing styles and other gimmicks because I didn’t know who I was yet as a writer. But I tried. At least I tried. And I kept trying. 

Over the years, I have virtually met a lot of you on this part of the cybersphere. A lot quietly disappeared, some kept coming and going, some moved on to vlogging and podcasting in which they are equally great as they are in blogging and some of you, like me, are still here. 

There are some of you who have been there ever since I started and a lot of you have amazingly progressed in writing. I’ve been silently reading your blogs and I am amazed at your writing styles. Some of your posts leave me in awe, asking myself why I haven’t thought about that and wishing I have written that. And I’m surprised that some of you aren’t writing on textbooks yet, on newspaper opinion sections or lifestyle magazines.  

Whenever I read your blogs, I can imagine where your writing style is heading to but I can’t figure out mine. I can’t figure out where else should I write apart from my blog. Apart from writing my feelings, I am still trying to figure out what else can I write. Maybe a novel? But that’s still farfetched. 

Although the good thing is, I already know my voice. The voice that reads to me as I write. A calm and neutral voice at the back of my head, like a narrator reading out loud to me – my own writing voice. This, at least I know. After eight years.  

Writing is not just about putting the words into paper or into a document. It’s about giving breath and life to the things inside your head. It’s about self-discovery, it’s about learning. 

Writing is about creating your own universe and breathing and living in it. 

And to answer the question whether I should continue writing or find something else I am more passionate about, I guess the answer is clear. I’d stay in this universe I’ve created and will continue to breathe and live in it.