Holding On

I’ve been very demotivated at work lately. Everyday, I felt like being trapped inside a torture cage, serving a manager I can never manage to like.

I tried to be nicer to him. I tried to be civil, neutral at least. But still. The stubborn head I have tells me not to follow him. So the more he tells me to do things, the more I don’t want to do it.

If this is a small country, I could readily lead a revolution to oust this person from his seat.Β But this is not. It won’t be. I won’t be that small revolutionary hero who liberated the people from the communist regime (thanks to my current buddy Junot Diaz who have just injected some stuff in my head).

We are talking about business here. And this business is what feeds me. What pays my dues. What fills my pocket. And this fact actually pisses me off. I am not happy. And if I choose to be happy, I have to leave this place. I have to leave work and probably eat dust (though not really, just exaggerating). If I could have been 10 years younger, I would have just left this place, yesterday. I wouldn’t have cared. But I can’t be that reckless anymore. Although sometimes, I wish I can still be.

I am currently reading The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz and I really liked the character of Beli. One who didn’t care less, and who couldn’t give a sh*t about anything. One who is strong even after having her ribs and arms fractured. One who doesn’t give a shit about life’s beatings.

In some nights, when I lie alone on my bed, I would somehow think of just flying away and not coming back. And I drift in and out of sleeping and dreaming awake. Sometimes mixing it, not knowing which one is a dream and which one is just the product of my mind. As to how I’m gonna fly, I have no idea. As to where I want to fly to, I also, still have no idea. I just wanna feel the wind pressing on my face as I soar high. Up, and above the clouds, into the sky, so high.

30 responses to “Holding On”

  1. Hugs, Inang Bibe. Mukhang same same ang pinagdadaanan ninyo nina Aila, Jas at Lhory.

    Unappreciated and feels like working as a slave na ba? Baka makatulong ito: https://angelien0625.wordpress.com/2017/09/22/gratefulness-beyond-brokenness/

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hala. I can’t imagine what you’re goibg through right now ate but I hope that you’ll be alright soon. I’m sure that you will. πŸ™‚ Kapit lang!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wala naman ako masyadong pinagdadaanan gusto ko lang ipakain sa pating yung amo dito hahahaha

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha pakain mo na ateee! Pero seryoso, I hope you’ll be fine soon!

        Like

        1. Wahahahaha ang kaso di sya kayang lunurin dahil marunong lumangoy

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Hahahahaha kaya yan! Basta with force! Haha gusto ko yung pinaplot na po natin kung papaano natin sa lulunurin hahahaha

            Liked by 1 person

          2. Hahahahahahha aayain ko sya lumangoy tapos papaunahin ko sya sabay lalagyan ko ng angkla yung paa nya para lumubog na sya haha

            Liked by 1 person

  3. Dito ka na lang! May community swimming pool dito tapos kapitbahay mo pa ako bwahahahahhahaha!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Bwahahahahahaha naconsider ko na ngang maging kapitbahay mo. Bwahah

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oo dapat yan ang unang kino-consider mo.. napaka importante nyan sa lahat wahahahahhahaha!

        Like

        1. Mas na excite akong maging kapitbahay mo kesa sa trabaho

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Basta okay lang sayo na kakatok ako sa pinto mo.. hihingi ng bigas! ahhahahahahhaaha!

            Liked by 1 person

          2. Walang problema. Naimagine ko na ang mga magagawa natin. Iboblog natin mga resto at magkakasponsor na tayo bwahahahahhaahhaa

            Liked by 1 person

          3. Oo tayo na lalapit sa mga resto sabihin natin.. take it or leave it! Tayo pa mayabang! Bwahahahhahha!

            Liked by 1 person

          4. Bwahahahhahahahahahahahah

            Like

  4. keep going!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes, if we could have been 10 years younger, decision making will be different. Hang in there! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Just hanging πŸ˜‚ like a monkey

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I can’t be that reckless anymore, too! Although sometimes, I wish I can still be. πŸ™‚ This is why sometimes, I don’t like growing up.

    Like

  7. Gantong ganto ang hanash ko in life lately huhuh dakldjakdjadajd LABAN!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahahahhaha oo nga daw…apat tayo

      Like

  8. I think, take one day at a time, break the task into smaller achievable task. And by doing those small task, take it as a victory.

    We focus alot sometimes on the outcome, which makes the other person uncomfortable.

    Make his life easy, he will make your easy. Think how you can ease his situation, might he himself is going through some rough patch personally or professsionally that he is taking out on you.

    By helping your boss, he might can help you afterwards.

    Approach on short term, but strategy on long-term. Planning is on day to day.

    Like

    1. Thanks. This is a very nice advice

      Like

      1. I did the same, to survive myself. Things are dark, but still there is light at the end of the tunnel

        Like

      2. Take it as a time for your training, mental stress training. If you survive this you can survive anything.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Take it from this mindset, InshaAllah you will find the difference, it won’t be easy.

            But remember, it Satan who always disheartened our efforts. Keep faith you will pass through this time.

            Liked by 1 person

          2. Thanks brother. Insha Allah.

            Like

          3. My pleasure sister 😊

            Like

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