It was around six in the evening and we were driving along the North Luzon Express Way when a series of Dashboard Confessional played on the radio. The sun was almost setting. The fields were so green; the grains waiting to be harvested gave a golden touch to the greenery. The silhouette of the mountain ranges, dark grey, almost black and the clouds, puffy, painted with different shades of blue, orange, grey and pink. I rolled down the car window and let the warm afternoon breeze touch my face.
I am two days prior to my flight back to Maldives, work, again, as usual. Nothing special but this time the feeling’s strange.
I thought of what’s waiting for me at work. I opened the laptop now to start checking what mounted to 700 something emails but I ditched the idea.
For some reasons, I’m lazy to go back to work. Reasons like some new people in the work place as well as old people with new personalities, suddenly. Some biodegradable and a lot of non biodegradable.
Reasons like dreading the fact that I still have to see one, ex friend.
I feel like I’m a magnet of weird friends, those who call themselves my friends only to harm me. Or maybe I should correct my statement here. Maybe I’m a magnet of enemies. And my enemies could have mastered the Art of War already. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer. It must be just me who hasn’t mastered the art until now.
I thought after all that I’ve been through in life, I’m good enough to face such battles but I figured, one can never be prepared with all the plot twists that life throws out.
But this is life. And life isn’t just about what you know but also about everything else that you are yet to know.
I watched Lucy yesterday, that Scarlett Johannssen movie that has a great thought with a funny finale. She ingested some kind of synthetic drugs that triggered her brain to reach the maximum capacity. In an instant she became so intelligent but at the same time she stopped feeling anger, fear, pain and desire.
I thought about how would it be not to feel any emotions. Would life be better?
I started playing Flappy Bird recently. This game was so popular a few years ago but now, obsolete. Somehow, I got a copy of the game and I was crazy about it lately. The game is pretty easy and that’s the reason why I like it so much. You only need to do one thing. Keep flying without hitting the tube like things on top and bottom. The bird has to stay afloat in between to live, to survive. There’s no need to get allies or get a skill or attack some sort of clans. Only one rule. One player.
At one point I thought that maybe I’m trying to be like the Flappy Bird. Staying afloat. Trying not to hit different sides that might mean my end. But life isn’t that simple. It’s not just about staying afloat, avoiding all road blocks. At one point we will always hit either top or bottom and when we fall down, we just have to stand up and start over again.
I didn’t ingest any synthetic drugs like Scarlett. But somehow a few more percent of my brain capacity seemed to work well. The long drive with the series of Dashboard Confessional songs, the golden hour and the warm breeze made me a little bit high. High on thoughts, if high, even, is the right word for that.