Why do you have to sing in front of these people? That’s so stupid. What credit will you get by doing this? Will you earn money by doing this?
A friend of mine was asked these questions and she ended up not singing even though I know that deep inside she was dying to do so.
I felt that the question was quite directed to me too.
So I also asked myself why do I have to perform when I don’t get anything from it except for callouses on my fingers.
I am not the best guitar player and the skill that I have now, for a person who started playing when she was 13 years old, isn’t justifiable. See, I’m not really talented. I can’t play something just after hearing it. I have to look for the chords, learn and practice it. I have to work hard for it.
But still, I want to play. I want to perform.
And again, the question comes up, what do I get from doing all of these?
Two days ago, we performed during our staff event. Few hours prior to the performance, I was quite upset that I didn’t want to play anymore.
But I still did, for some reasons. We played some acoustic songs and that one question was answered. I was quite happy after our performance. It wasn’t perfect. But who cares?
So what did I get? Not money, definitely.
It’s the feeling. That feeling of the loud heart beat, so loud I thought my chest was about to explode. That cold sweaty palms. That warm feeling on my cheeks. The feeling of sharing what I love. Yes, it’s that kind of feeling. Love and passion. That makes my knees shake and my stomach filled with butterflies.
It’s that feeling that I still want to play after hitting the last chord of the last song. Of telling myself ‘yes, I did it,’ and not ‘finally it’s over.’ Of telling myself, I want to do it again.
That feeling of being happy about this small accomplishment and not regretting not being able to try.
Sometimes we overthink about what would happen. We usually look at the negative sides and worst scenarios. And overthinking takes over us. It clouds up our minds and we end up not trying. Sometimes, we have to be a little bit careless too. We have to try and take a little risk.
And when you do that, you’ll get that feeling, of being alive, more than you’ve ever been.