Lately, I have not been writing a lot. Not that I am lazy. Not that I’m demotivated. Being busy is also not an excuse. I was just happy lately. And I am wondering why I can’t put into words this happy feeling. I’m wondering why I can write a lot even during my busiest of times when I feel bad or angry or sad but not when I’m happy.
Maybe because when I am happy, all I can say is thank you for the wonderful day. Maybe because when I’m happy, I just want to run and jump and sing all day long and I just want to keep the feeling with me. And maybe because when I’m happy, I don’t ask myself why I’m happy.
But when I’m broken, I ask myself so many things. What I did or did not do? What did I say or did not say? Why am I feeling this way? How did I end up like this? And when I ask myself, I try to find answers. And when I find out that the root cause of all the troubles is no one else but myself, I try to justify and so the story goes on. And the letters flow like water on a stream.
Also this happy feeling is welcomed by everyone. Like a laugh that is contagious. It is easy to share and every one enjoys it. It is like a legendary story that every kid in town wants to listen to.
While sadness is a feeling that no one wants to feel. It is like a person with disease that everyone avoids. It is a story that no one likes to hear. And during this time, the only way to say what I couldn’t say, is to write. The only way to tell my stories that no one bothers to listen to is to write them.
For a change, I am asking myself now why am I happy? What I did or did not do? What did I say or did not say? Why am I feeling this way? How did I end up like this?
And these are what made me happy lately:
- We went to a nearby island for a dinner in one of our colleague’s house and while waiting for our transportation back to our island I had fun riding a scooter and that was my very first ride ever in my life. I may sound ridiculous but yes, in my 32 years of existence, I have never ridden a scooter nor a motorbike till that night. Of course, I didn’t drive it. I was just a back rider, if that’s how you call it.
- I was able to do a 1km swim for the very first time.
- I am re-watching Daddy Long Legs and every episode puts a smile (sometimes tears too) on my face.
To be honest, I don’t know what else made me happy. I took me several minutes to think about my reasons for being happy but I only came up with three.
I don’t know what else to write now nor how to end this. I don’t know if I’m making any sense either. But anyway, like I have said in one of my previous posts, in case you are sad or down today, please feel free to borrow some of my happiness.