Lately, I have not been writing a lot. Not that I am lazy. Not that I’m demotivated. Being busy is also not an excuse. I was just happy lately. And I am wondering why I can’t put into words this happy feeling. I’m wondering why I can write a lot even during my busiest of times when I feel bad or angry or sad but not when I’m happy.
Maybe because when I am happy, all I can say is thank you for the wonderful day. Maybe because when I’m happy, I just want to run and jump and sing all day long and I just want to keep the feeling with me. And maybe because when I’m happy, I don’t ask myself why I’m happy.
But when I’m broken, I ask myself so many things. What I did or did not do? What did I say or did not say? Why am I feeling this way? How did I end up like this? And when I ask myself, I try to find answers. And when I find out that the root cause of all the troubles is no one else but myself, I try to justify and so the story goes on. And the letters flow like water on a stream.
Also this happy feeling is welcomed by everyone. Like a laugh that is contagious. It is easy to share and every one enjoys it. It is like a legendary story that every kid in town wants to listen to.
While sadness is a feeling that no one wants to feel. It is like a person with disease that everyone avoids. It is a story that no one likes to hear. And during this time, the only way to say what I couldn’t say, is to write. The only way to tell my stories that no one bothers to listen to is to write them.
For a change, I am asking myself now why am I happy? What I did or did not do? What did I say or did not say? Why am I feeling this way? How did I end up like this?
And these are what made me happy lately:
- We went to a nearby island for a dinner in one of our colleague’s house and while waiting for our transportation back to our island I had fun riding a scooter and that was my very first ride ever in my life. I may sound ridiculous but yes, in my 32 years of existence, I have never ridden a scooter nor a motorbike till that night. Of course, I didn’t drive it. I was just a back rider, if that’s how you call it.
- I was able to do a 1km swim for the very first time.
- I am re-watching Daddy Long Legs and every episode puts a smile (sometimes tears too) on my face.
To be honest, I don’t know what else made me happy. I took me several minutes to think about my reasons for being happy but I only came up with three.
I don’t know what else to write now nor how to end this. I don’t know if I’m making any sense either. But anyway, like I have said in one of my previous posts, in case you are sad or down today, please feel free to borrow some of my happiness.
I’d love to hear from you!