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Today, I’m writing something raw, something really straight out of my heart and I’m not gonna edit this (or will do, at least the grammar part).

Its 8:40pm Male’ time and I don’t know how long will I sit here. I don’t know how long will it take for me to write my feelings down.

Today I woke up to a succession of loud thunder roars and the sound of the non-stop rain on the roof. I opened my eyes and realized they were swelling. Oh, I remembered. I was a drama anthology princess last night. I cried until almost 3am. I cried until no more tears could roll down. I slept when my body and mind just collapsed from exhaustion.

Oh no! You might say, another sad post. I looked at my blog today and realized all my posts this month were quite negative. Yes, my last post for the month is yet another sad one but I promise I will end this positively.

As I got up from bed this morning, I thought of why my eyes were swelling. Ah, I cried because of words. I was hurt by what was said to me. I took a shower and put on my uniform. I couldn’t apply eye shadow on swollen eyes so I just moved on without it, went out of my room and headed to the canteen.

As I walked under the crying clouds, I hid under my umbrella not to get wet from the natural shower and thought of it as a shield to bullets of rain drops. Can I use the umbrella too to shield myself from words that hurt like bullet?

I arrived at the canteen with my feet and the bottom part of my pants wet and saw our engineering team all wet and dirty from repairing what was damaged by this heavy rain and I couldn’t complain.

I made my coffee and sat outdoor. I thought of how tough November was to me and I thought of how tough the rain was to these engineering guys this morning and again, I couldn’t complain.

I sipped my coffee and I felt so warm. If this is not enough to brighten up my day, I don’t know what else could.

I went to work half warm half idiot. Still brooding over the painful words thrown at me, thinking what have I done to deserve those words?

Words are just words. But they sting like hell. Depending on how the words were said. Depending on who said it. But is it the fault of the words or whoever said those words that’s why we get hurt?

Is it not our fault too for keeping people close to our hearts? So close that they can easily break it?

Half my day in the office has gone by. And I was half hungry and still half an idiot.

I went for lunch and found my favourite spaghetti aglio olio and had 2 rounds. If that is not enough to brighten up the other half of my day, then I don’t know what else could.

Another half of my day passed by with a sleepy head, stomach ache and emails and emails. The rain stopped for a while, I thought the clouds stopped crying already but then it started again.

I was in the office till late, half working, half almost forgetting some work and a bit of listening to Aegis.  A bit of singing the song that perfectly described how I felt that moment.

I had a dinner with a friend that I’ve lost a few months ago due to some fight over bread. We had a chat. She had a juice. I had a cup of warm tea. It felt so good. And if this was not enough to end my day happily, then I don’t know what else could.

It is 9:19pm Male’ time already and I guess I have to wrap up.

I still have this book to read about a girl named Marie-Laure LeBlanc who was born only to be blind and to live during times of adversity, who didn’t have much of a choice, and if happiness is part of the limited choices.

I woke up today to a gloomy thunderstorm and I had a choice to feel gloomy as well but I chose happiness. My swollen eyes still reminds me of how I felt last night. But I also kept reminding myself about the warm coffee, the hearty lunch and the chat with a friend along with a warm tea and I feel good. I really do.

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featured image, not mine