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I always wake up with 80% affirmative chance of happiness and positivism. The other 20% relies on how the day goes by.

So naturally, I am a jolly person. However, depending on the daily grind, the 80% dwindles down to 50%, then to 25% then to 5% by the end of the day, or even to a -1%. That’s the time when even my favorite sitcom can’t make me smile anymore.

Three days ago, I had a fight with a colleague who works in the Finance Department. Boy, how I love accounting and finance and everything related to it – there will (or might) be a separate bloody post on how accounting devastated me (and how they continue to do so).

Going back to the fight, my colleague next door said, girl you can scream. They all stopped whatever they were doing and listened to what I was saying, or better yet, to what I was screaming about.

Fighting and screaming is not the best thing to do in the workplace. However, I will treat people according to how I am treated. I will screw people, according to how they tried to screw me too.

I am an extremely patient person but I was not born to get screamed at by people who don’t deserve my patience.

Trying so hard to defend myself here, right?

I was told to try to control my emotions as anger won’t do me any good.

I don’t think I can. I don’t think I will even try.

Emotions are something we feel and not what we think about. We can’t choose what  to feel.

Like I can’t laugh when I my knee gets wounded, just like I can’t stop crying when I am really sad and hurt.

It’s not emotions that we should control, I guess. It’s the reaction after feeling that emotion that we have control over. With that, I agree, we have a choice.

Just like we can’t control who we love, but we can choose whether we’ll show it or not.

So I will keep on waking up with that 80% affirmative chance of happiness but I will, still, never try to control my emotions. But how am I to show those emotions is another story.

I will just continue to be happy with a certain chance of ruthlessness, when fishballs come my way. Merciless skewing will take place.