Personal, Personal Essay

It’s Been A While

 

image: shawnbbailey.comimage: shawnbbailey.com

I was informed that you are here for a week’s visit.

It’s been a few years since we separated ways, well, since you dumped me and it’s as if no one else in this world moved on except for you and me. Our names are, still, always associated with each other like it has always been, just like how the salt and pepper shaker always come in pairs.

You’ve been with her for about four years and she’s actually quite a good record for your resume if she had been a job. You’re together for a while now yet our friends still look at me whenever your name is mentioned during the meet ups.

I don’t know why you have to call me whenever you’re here and I don’t know either why I always allow myself to be a subject of your self-indulgence, just like the way it has always been.

You knew that I don’t work on Sundays so you called me. I wanted to decline your offer for breakfast at Paul’s but your insistence didn’t let me by saying that no one’s available to accompany you.  Best laid plans. Nevertheless, this has always been the case.

We were friends then we became more than friends then we ended up as enemies and now we’re friends again. We’ve both moved on but I’ve been puzzled by thoughts that I shouldn’t have been thinking of in the first place.

Maybe because there are words left unsaid or maybe there are words that I’ve longed to hear. Unfortunately it was never heard of, not from you.

I wonder if you ever loved me. Or was I just a convenience to you at that time.  I asked myself what I lacked or what I did wrong or does she have something that I don’t have. Was she more loving or caring or intelligent or funny.

I always believed in myself but not when I’m with you. I’ve always felt less and maybe that’s the reason why I really became less.

I know it’s too late to ask or mumble about these things but I’m just an average girl and sometimes I’m too dumb to comprehend. Was it your fault or was it really mine? Or was it destiny that didn’t let us go on forever.

I wanted to let you go but you’ve never let me. You always have your hand on me so how can I walk away.

I need to close the door, so please let me.

***

-yet another old moronic post from one of my other blogs. Why am I even posting this again?

P.S. This was written years back. We both have already moved on as of now. 

Published by aysabaw

Aysa is a self-proclaimed hotelier without any culinary talent. She used to fly around Dubai for ten years via her magic carpet but destiny led her to a new path. She is now a little mermaid swimming in and around the Maldivian waters. If she is not reading her books, writing something comical, leaving rubbish comments on your posts or strumming her guitar, then she's up to some mischief.

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